my one true love…

Sometimes when you are alone and nothing to do, you’ll just find yourself thinking of some things that you don’t even know what to think of…. Right now, I am in my office in front of my computer again…doing nothing…. thinking of things…. thinking of my children…. thinking what are they doing right now… do they eat their lunch already… or are they still in school… oh how I wish I am always there with them….eating  together…laughing together…playing together… But because of the circumstances that is happening around us… I chose to leave them… I leave them not because I wanted to escape from the burdens or obligations that I have for them…I leave them for some personal reasons…. I leave them because I know I can give them a brighter future ahead of them… and I leave them, because I wanted to find myself again….  

 

Being a single parent is really a tough job to do, especially in my case… if I can recall, I got pregnant at the age of 20 to my boyfriend for six years…I told to my mother that I am not yet ready for that… mother told me that i have to be strong for the baby…. my father knows me very well…. He knows how to stop me from crying… he knows when to make me laugh… and he also knows how to make me cry…

 

Going back to the hardship of being a parent, I gave birth to my first child…. A bouncing baby boy…. You know what, when I first saw my baby, I really cried… I never imagine that I can bear a child… and give life to him…. I said to myself, this is my angel I am waiting for to come… this baby will change everything for me… THIS BABY IS MY LIFE!!! I strive hard to finish my college and I made it… I graduated… I look for a job for me to provide the needs for my child… my mother is with still with me along the way… maybe you are wondering where is the father of my child… sad to say, it didn’t worked out…. Imagine, we’ve been together for 6 years as boyfriends and we only live 9 months together as husband and wife… maybe you’ll ask, why? I decided to be separated than to live with a person who do not respect me as a person and do not even know how to respect my parents… who would have thought that within six years of being with him I never noticed the real him… it is because I love him…. And I was blind to see the real him… it is true that, you can only know the person better until you live with him in one roof… and to make the long story short….it is a failure!!! Two years has passed and I met another guy…I thought he is the answer to my prayers… we live together… he promised that he will take care of me and my son… my mother is against our relationship… because she believes that it will never be the way I expected it to be… I got pregnant with my second child….a baby girl!!! She looks like me… she’s so lovely…. I cried again for joy… I thought that this is the beginning of having a good family…. One happy family… but I guess, I was wrong… my mother is right… it will never happen the way I expected it to happen…I leave him… leaving my daughter to him, is very painful for me… but I don’t have the choice… I have to leave the soonest possible time…. Or else I’ll be dead by now…. I just wished that my mother is still here comforting me… taking care of me… and telling me “My child, don’t worry everything will be alright… I will be here, I’ll take care of your children… I know you are a tough girl like me…. be strong!”… That is what my mother always tells me if she saw me crying… I wish you were here, inay…. and I know, you are just up there watching over my children…. watching over me…. watching over us….God, I miss my inay so much!!!  

 

I am longing for my children so much… I miss their smiles, I miss how they hug me to death, I miss the times when we are going in the mall….watching them playing around…. I miss the times that we eat together… sharing stories that they did in their school….exchanging sweet glances every time they are telling white lies… I miss the times when they will come running to me every time I fetch them from school… I miss the times when the three of us will wrestle each other like the wrestlers in WWE… I miss their kisses everyday before I leave the house… I miss cooking for them…  I miss taking a bath together with them… scrubbing their whole body…. I miss teaching them their lessons… and if there are times that they won’t listen… I’ll just sit down and keep silent…. and you know what they are going to do…. they will tickle me over and over again……hahahaha I am now about to get crazy….crying and then smiling….haaayyyyy…  

 

Well, I guess I should not think that I am a failure….yes, I am not a failure… I have two precious gems with me… my two achievements…. And nothing can ever replace them…. There is nothing more important to me than my two kids….

 

 Racing children is a no joke… it takes a lot of time, courage, heartaches and sacrifices… my children are my life… I will do anything for them… I will give my life to them….  

They are the reason why I keep on fighting…. they are my inspirations… they are the reason why I need to be strong… the reason why I need to be tough….. THEY ARE MY HEART…. THEY ARE MY BREATH…. THEY ARE MY LIFE…. AND THEY WILL ALWAYS BE…. MY ONE TRUE LOVE…….

 

 

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