love… en let go…
What are the chances that after suffering from all the pains and heartaches, a person can still recover??? Well, I guess it always depends on the person who experiences those things… and a big part of it is accepting the fact that the there are things that you don’t expect to happened… But you know, every little thing that happen in this world has always a reason… it is for us to dig deeper on the real meaning of what is happening around us… For me, I thought that I will not surpass the pains and the hardships that I’ve been through… I almost give up… If I could remember, there are no days or nights that I never shed a tear… Being alone is a torture… being in a place wherein you do not know what is waiting for you is a puzzle… alone in a place where you do not know what you are in to…but this is the path that I decided to take…so I have to be strong enough to face the consequences that I will encounter and just struggle for the best…
Recovering from the pain is like recovering from a terminal cancer that you’ll never know when and where it will lead you… it can lead you into a place, which I believe, you don’t want to belong… like ICU… a mental hospital… or if worst comes to worst… it can lead you to death… but for me, those things won’t happen if you won’t allow yourself to be buried in the midst of depression and hatred…
Well… now… I can say that, finally, I recovered!!!… Why???… Simple… I just let go of the things that causes me so much pain… although, sometimes it still hurts every time it occurs to my mind… you know what really helps me get through it… it’s because, I have found here, someone who makes me feel special in his own little ways… someone, who knows to listen… who knows to think… who makes me laugh… although sometimes…no, most of the times we argue a lot without knowing what is the reason for that argument… crazy, right?… yes, we are both crazy I think… hahahaha… I do not know what is in him that every time I think of him, I’ll just found myself smiling… and then, frowning after I go back to my senses and think of the reality that he is planning to get married already… I know you will say that oh my God here you are again… but what will I do???… I never asked for this… I just felt it… I am only human… I wish I don’t have a heart so I won’t feel anything anymore… but this is the truth of life… if you love, then you should be ready to get hurt… the world is just revolving into these two words I guess… loving and hurting… going back to this someone… yes, he is planning to get married (and I hope he didn’t)… and I am happy for him… I know that he will be a good provider… a good husband… and a good father to his children someday… I am just lucky that at least, even for a short period of time we’ve spent sometime together… even if we barely knows each other, he trusted me… he open-up himself to me… and the important thing is I know I am happy being with him… just talking to him… and I hope I make him happy too in my own little way… and the sad part of these story is that he went back to his hometown… (but not for good) … yeah right, it hurts… let’s just say that this is another chapter of my life… loving and letting go again… I just hope that he will be happy for whatever decision that he make…. I am pretty sure that he is really happy; I always pretend that I don’t know anything at all… I guess you would say that I was never the lucky one but somehow I found luck because I found him…and I thought at first I have found the missing piece of me but then I was wrong again… because he is another person who took away another piece of me… I am trying to ignore this craziness I feel for him but you know I think if you can’t get someone out of your mind, maybe they’re meant to be there… isn’t it weird how you can spill everything out to a stranger but when the time comes to tell the one you love how you really for him… nothing comes out!… It hurts to think that loving him is just a mistake again… but denying my feelings is something I wouldn’t take… I know I am stupid to feel this way again… I accept it… I maybe not perfect for them but I am just being true to myself… I am not hiding anything to anyone… what you see is the real me…
In my search for a true faithful love, I have been turned down a thousand times… but I still believe in it the way I believe that the sun will eventually rise after a rainy day… Love is like life… it’s unpredictable and you never know when it will come… just live the moment, and when you least expects it… you will find the one… A perfect love only exist in our dreams… in real life we should learn to appreciate the one that comes along… someone not perfect… yet, REAL…
Just a reminder, a love is just one more excuse to get hurt… so, if you will tell someone that you love him/ her, you’d better mean it or else just don’t be in it at all…
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Paano ko ba ito sisimulan… Ang hirap ng pakiramdam ng nag-iisa… walang makausap… halos pakiramdam mo ikaw na lang ang tao sa mundong ibabaw… pero alam mo at nararamdaman mo na marami naman tao sa paligid mo… pero bakit ganun… kahit anung pilit mong kalimutan at iwasan ang isang bagay na alam mong nakakasakit sayo eh hindi mo magawa… bakit kahit alam mong talo ka at wala kang laban pilit mo pa rin sinasaktan ang sarili mo… bakit kahit anung pilit mong maging masaya eh hindi mo magawa… bakit kapag gusto mong may kausap eh hindi mo nman magawang sabihin ang nasa loob mo… natatakot ka dahil hindi mo alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon nila sa gusto mo sabihin… natatakot ka na mahusgahan ang pagkatao mo… natatakot ka na baka kapag nalaman nila ang nangyayari sau eh layuan ka nila at hindi ka nila maintindihan…
Akala siguro nila, kapag nakikita nilang tumatawa ka eh masaya ka at walang problema… akala nila na sa tuwing nagpapatawa ka eh wala kang nararamdamang kalungkutan… akala siguro nila na dahil hindi ka nila nakikitang umiyak ay strong ka na… lahat sila yun ang akala sayo… matapang, lahat kinakaya… pero anmg hindi nila alam… sa likod ng mga pagtawa mo… sa likod ng mga ngiti mo… sa likod ng mga pagpapatawa mo… ay umiiyak ang puso mo… na nakakaramdaman ka rin ng takot… na nalulungkot ka rin…. na gusto mo ng sumuko… na gusto mo ng bumigay… dahil hindi mo na kaya… dahil napapagod ka din…
Minsan maiisip mo na lang, na sana bumalik ka na lang sa pagiging bata… walang pinoproblema… walang iniisip… hindi makakaramdam ng sakit… matakot ka man, alam mong may pwedeng kumalinga sau at handang alisin ang takot sa dibdib mo… yun dati na, maglalaro ka lang habang nagpapa-ulan… tapos uuwi at kakain na lang ng meryenda na ginawa ng nanay mo… ang sarap alalahanin ang nakaraan nung ikaw ay bata pa… pag gising mo sa umaga may nkahanda ng gatas at almusal sa lamesa nyo… kakain ka na lang… at pagkatapos ay manonood ng telebisyon at makikipaglaro sa labas ng bahay… at pag napagod, uuwe ulet, magmemeryenda, maglalaro ulet… di mo namamalayan tapos na naman ang maghapon… sana ganun lang kadali ang buhay ngaun… simple pero masaya… hindi komplikado…
Pero hindi mo na maaaring ibalik ang nakaraan… kung kaya kelanagan mong harapin ang komplikadong buhay na meron ka ngaun… harapin ang lahat ng responsibilidad na nasa balikat mo… harapin ang mundo mo ngaun na malayo sa pamilya mo… harapin ang hirap ng buhay para sa mga taong umaasa sayo… harapin ang katotohanan na kahit alam mong masasaktan ka lang patuloy ka pa ring nagmamahal… ganyan siguro talaga ang buhay… hindi mawawala ang mga pagsubok… nakahit anung pilit mong iwasan ang problema… pilit pa rin itong humahabol sau… na kahit anung iwas among magmahal at masaktan muli… pilit pa rin itong nagsusumiksik sa puso mo… ewan ko ba… nasa sistema na ata ng buhay ng isang tao ang lahat ng ito… kailan kaya magkakaroon ng medisina para maiwasan ang mga ganitong bagay… parang sa sakit di ba… para makaiwas sa mga karamdaman may maga bitamina tayo na pedeng inumin… sana ganun din ang buhay naten… para makaiwas sa mga problema at pasakit meron ding mga medisina na pedeng inumin na lang… para lahat tayo ay maging masaya na lng… para hindi na tayo nahihirapan… para hindi na tayo nasasaktan…
Hanggang ilusyon na lang siguro ang lahat… hindi na talaga naten maiiwasan ang mga bagay na ito… kung kaya, kailangan pa ring ituloy ang buhay kahit anung hirap man ito… isipin mo na lang na bida ka sa isang teleserye… na pagkatapos ng napakahabang panahon na maranasan ang lahat ng hirap, problema at sakit… iikot din ang gulong ng buhay mo… na darating ang araw… magiging masaya ka na… magiging maayos din ang lahat… na may makakasama ka na… at kahit kailan hindi ka na mag-iisa….