love… en let go…

What are the chances that after suffering from all the pains and heartaches, a person can still recover??? Well, I guess it always depends on the person who experiences those things… and a big part of it is accepting the fact that the there are things that you don’t expect to happened… But you know, every little thing that happen in this world has always a reason… it is for us to dig deeper on the real meaning of what is happening around us… For me, I thought that I will not surpass the pains and the hardships that I’ve been through… I almost give up… If I could remember, there are no days or nights that I never shed a tear… Being alone is a torture… being in a place wherein you do not know what is waiting for you is a puzzle… alone in a place where you do not know what you are in to…but this is the path that I decided to take…so I have to be strong enough to face the consequences that I will encounter and just struggle for the best…

Recovering from the pain is like recovering from a terminal cancer that you’ll never know when and where it will lead you… it can lead you into a place, which I believe, you don’t want to belong… like ICU… a mental hospital… or if worst comes to worst… it can lead you to death… but for me, those things won’t happen if you won’t allow yourself to be buried in the midst of depression and hatred…

Well… now… I can say that, finally, I recovered!!!… Why???… Simple… I just let go of the things that causes me so much pain… although, sometimes it still hurts every time it occurs to my mind… you know what really helps me get through it… it’s because, I have found here, someone who makes me feel special in his own little ways… someone, who knows to listen… who knows to think… who makes me laugh… although sometimes…no, most of the times we argue a lot without knowing what is the reason for that argument… crazy, right?… yes, we are both crazy I think… hahahaha… I do not know what is in him that every time I think of him, I’ll just found myself smiling… and then, frowning after I go back to my senses and think of the reality that he is planning to get married already… I know you will say that oh my God here you are again… but what will I do???… I never asked for this… I just felt it… I am only human… I wish I don’t have a heart so I won’t feel anything anymore… but this is the truth of life… if you love, then you should be ready to get hurt… the world is just revolving into these two words I guess… loving and hurting… going back to this someone… yes, he is planning to get married (and I hope he didn’t)… and I am happy for him… I know that he will be a good provider… a good husband… and a good father to his children someday… I am just lucky that at least, even for a short period of time we’ve spent sometime together… even if we barely knows each other, he trusted me… he open-up himself to me… and the important thing is I know I am happy being with him… just talking to him… and I hope I make him happy too in my own little way… and the sad part of these story is that he went back to his hometown… (but not for good) … yeah right, it hurts… let’s just say that this is another chapter of my life… loving and letting go again… I just hope that he will be happy for whatever decision that he make…. I am pretty sure that he is really happy; I always pretend that I don’t know anything at all… I guess you would say that I was never the lucky one but somehow I found luck because I found him…and I thought at first I have found the missing piece of me but then I was wrong again… because he is another person who took away  another piece of me…  I am trying to ignore this craziness I feel for him but you know I think if you can’t get someone out of your mind, maybe they’re meant to be there… isn’t it weird how you can spill everything out to a stranger but when the time comes to tell the one you love how you really for him… nothing comes out!… It hurts to think that loving him is just a mistake again… but denying my feelings is something I wouldn’t take… I know I am stupid to feel this way again… I accept it… I maybe not perfect for them but I am just being true to myself… I am not hiding anything to anyone… what you see is the real me…

In my search for a true faithful love, I have been turned down a thousand times… but I still believe in it the way I believe that the sun will eventually rise after a rainy day… Love is like life… it’s unpredictable and you never know when it will come… just live the moment, and when you least expects it… you will find the one… A perfect love only exist in our dreams… in real life we should learn to appreciate the one that comes along… someone not perfect… yet, REAL…

Just a reminder, a love is just one more excuse to get hurt… so, if you will tell someone that you love him/ her, you’d better mean it or else just don’t be in it at all…

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